Missing My Mom, Grieving as an Adult
Grief coach Charlene Lam reflects on Mother’s Day
I was 35 when my mom died. After more than a decade of marking Mother’s Day without her, I still find myself bracing for the holiday when it comes around.
Some years are easier than others. I throw flowers in the river, or dedicate something delicious to my mother. (She loved cheesecake and Belgian waffles.) Other years, I just try to ignore the day. (If you’re struggling with how to approach Mother’s Day as a griever, I always advocate for doing what is right for you.)
This year, I’ve been sitting with the realization that my mom also lost her mother in her mid-30s. My Pau Pau died of cancer when I was 5 years old, so the photo above must have been taken not that long prior.
I’m feeling so much compassion for my mom, dealing with her mother’s death and raising a daughter without her own mom’s guidance.
In turn, I feel so much compassion for myself — for little me confused by the death of her beloved grandmother, for 35-year-old me stunned by the sudden loss of her mom.
(And I contemplate further how my mom would have been chagrined to have me experiencing a similar loss at a similar age.)
I’m feeling so much tenderness and compassion … for all of us who are living our lives without the human beings who were our guides and anchors.
Take super good care of yourself, fellow griever, no matter which loss you’re processing, no matter what your relationship was like, no matter how long it’s been. 💖
May 2025
Additional Resources:
Mother’s Day Grief: How to Cope or Even Celebrate After Loss
hello
I'm Charlene
I help grieving people feeling burdened by responsibilities, resentments and regrets after the death of a loved one to feel lighter –– so you can live your own fullest life.
After the sudden death of my mother Marilyn in 2013, I put my life, work and grief on hold as I struggled to deal with the estate, paperwork and belongings.
Healing took time -- and it took help.
I'm a certified grief coach, and I developed my Curating Grief framework to help people process grief in a creative, accessible way. Learn how to move forward, without leaving your connection to your loved one behind.
Get In Touch
- hello@charlenelam.com
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