Hi! I’m Charlene 

Dealing with the practical and emotional aftermath of my mom’s death — her house, the estate, the paperwork, all the belongings — was the hardest and loneliest period of my life.

Almost 10 years after losing her, I now help other people with their grief — because none of us should have to go through this alone.

Can you relate to:

• Feeling burdened by all the physical stuff
• Being overwhelmed by the many decisions we’re faced with making
• Conflict with relatives about the stuff and the decisions
• Putting your own grief and life on hold to take care of everyone and everything else
• Feeling resentful about a lack of support
• Avoiding dealing with boxes of “too painful” items
• Missing the one person who would have supported you in the way you want and need

The exact circumstances of the loss and your relationship with the person who died will vary, but these situations are familiar to many.

IN MY CASE, THE FIRST BIG OBSTACLE I HAD WAS CLEARING OUT MY MOM’S DREAM HOUSE.

IT’S A COMMON PROBLEM. I HAD AN UNCOMMON SOLUTION.

“If I was to curate an exhibition about my mother, which 100 objects would I choose?”

That’s the question I asked myself when I was faced with the impossible task of clearing out my mom’s 3,000 square foot dream house. After she died, everything in that house became precious, and I couldn’t imagine letting any of it go.

When my mom died, I was working as an independent curator in London, producing exhibitions featuring the work of designers, makers and artists. Giving myself a creative brief was exactly what I needed to start making decisions. That question “If I was to curate an exhibition about my mother, which 100 objects would I choose?” was a useful question — and a beautiful question.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but it gave me a path to healing.

With my Curator hat on, I managed to empty the house to sell it. And a year after selling it, I did present an exhibition about my mother, in London in 2015. It was the memorial I really wanted to give her. 

That first exhibition in 2015 was the start of The Grief Gallery, my platform for exhibitions and events. And it was the start of my grief work.

I believe we are ALL curators after a loved one dies.

When I decided to start helping other people with their grief, I analyzed WHY it was so helpful to curate my mother’s belongings.

I found all kinds of connections with contemporary grief research, like Continuing Bonds theory, Meaning Reconstruction theory, and principles of Narrative Therapy. We can geek out about the science of it if you’d like, but essentially:

• I found ways to stay connected with my mother. Not in a woo-woo, seance way, but in an integrating her memory into my life way.
• I made intentional choices. Recognizing the choices we have in the face of circumstances outside our control is important.
• I chose how I wanted to remember my mother and by extension how to define my relationship with her.
• I was conscious about which stories I had and told about my mother (and myself). I shifted the narrative about her life and her loss.

I now help my clients to make similar shifts. I integrated all I’ve learned from hard experience and my training into my Curating Grief coaching framework. I work with clients worldwide via Zoom, and also offer in-person coaching here in Lisbon, Portugal.

I designed the Curating Grief coaching framework to help people heal in a creative, accessible way.

Or contact me at hello[at]charlenelam.com