F Your Rainbows: How to Check Your Inner Grief Weather

People love to offer silver linings and rainbows to grievers. But when you’re devastated by loss, you might not want to hear it. That’s when you might think: F* Your Rainbows

The problem is, when you’re devastated from a recent loss, you might not want to hear about silver linings and rainbows:
“At least they’re no longer suffering.”
“At least they lived a good life.”
“He would want you to be happy.”

(Hint: Anything that starts with “at least” is unlikely to be helpful.)

As a griever, you might well be thinking: F*ck your rainbows.
🌪️ ☔ 🌩️ 🌧️ 🌦️ 🌤️ ☁️ ☀️ 🌈

I use a weather analogy to describe stages and phases of grief and loss:

🌪️ The thick of the storm – You’re in the terrible early stages of dealing with the emotional and practical aftermath of the death of a loved one. You and your family are just trying to survive the storm.

🌧️ 🌩️ Persistent dark, rainy clouds – You’re resuming parts of your life, like school or work. It may feel like you’re just going through the motions. There may be a feeling of disconnect, between other people cheerily living their lives, and the gloominess you’re experiencing.

🌦️ 🌤️ Clouds dissipating and peeks of sunshine – You’re out of the worst of the storm. You’re smiling a bit more, even when you think of your loved one. You feel more hope that though life will never be the same, life can go on.

🌈 Ready for Rainbows – Time has passed, some healing has been done. You find comfort or meaning in remembering your loved one. You can spot and appreciate the proverbial rainbow after the rain.

It’s OK to be where you are, no matter your inner grief weather.

These aren’t linear stages. Some days, it may all be dark clouds. Others, an unexpected ray of sunshine comes through. Then the clouds may return.

Just remember: The sunshine is always there, beyond the clouds.

On the darkest days, the sun still shines, even when we can’t see it yet. And even if we’re not ready for rainbows yet, maybe someday we will be.

I like using this metaphor of inner grief weather to check in with ourselves and others.

How’s your inner grief weather today?
If you were to express it in a weather emoji or two, what would it be?

I’d love to hear from you — Connect with me on Instagram @curating_grief or on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/charclam/ or attend The Grief Gallery’s free monthly gathering.

Feel free to reach out hello@charlenelam.com

Want help unpacking your own experience of grief and loss, and finding your way through the storm of major loss, especially after the death of a loved one? Find out more about working with me and my Unpacking Grief coaching package.

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